The Ultimate Freedom

2007-10-14T15:35:00.001+03:00

I saw u in my dream.
What a dream !!
I woke up after an hour of sleep, but i was fully awake.

He came to our house. In the outfit i loved the most.
I went to shake hands with him, trying to play upset with him, he pulled me to his lap.
He kissed my cheek and turned his other cheek for me to kiss, to which i waited for a couple of seconds and gave him the kiss i day dreamed about, a loud kiss on his cheek.
He suddenly turned his head and my second kiss was on the corner of his mouth.
He then turned and faced me directly. He kissed my lips.
Oh oh, he made me dizzy with a kiss that lasted half a second.

He jumped from the living room, and into the kitchen, as energetic as always!
I called him with his given name only. No additions. I was the only one allowed to do that (that was also in the dream only). My mom looked at me eyes fully open and surprised.

And,,,
I woke up :(
Actually :)
I am in deep love with this man.
I know i can never get to him in real life. So, the dream was more than satisfactory.
I can still feel his breath, and feel his tender lips on my lips.
Would i ever meet with him again? In real life? In my dreams?
Would i act like a teenage girl and look for his news here and there?
And would i feel upset and sad when i hear that he's in love with another girl and will marry soon? Will i be shocked then?
I dont know about the future. But at this moment, i am enjoying the memory of my dream!

2007-10-13T05:04:00.000+03:00

Is it true that the more we lose the more we are set free?

2007-09-04T23:22:00.000+03:00

i miss his words

i miss his lips...

i miss his look into my eyes

i miss his eyes...

i miss his sarcastic laugh

i miss his voice...

i miss his hands

i miss his touch...

This is true for me

2007-08-15T06:03:00.000+03:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

2007-08-13T20:59:00.000+03:00

(As per an email received today, i wish i would receive this everyday!)

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key!!

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . . you BECOME 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you RE ACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; youTURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime and it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them."

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health : If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

2007-08-12T04:48:00.000+03:00

I miss Lebanon...
How much i hated the situation in Lebanon, and how much i felt bored, insecure, angry, helpless .....
I just had to leave, or else i would hate it.
And since i did not want to hate it i left.
Now i am a few thousands of Kms away (I honestly dont know how much), i really want to return.
However, i want to return to the Lebanon i knew between 1998 and 2006, not the Lebanon of 2007.
Lebanon, the country of love, freedom and beauty.

To all politicians, please leave us alone. Lebanon is much much better without you!

2007-05-30T00:56:00.000+03:00

"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. . . . When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence". Edmond de Goncourt (1822-96) and Jules de Goncourt (1830-70), French writers. The Goncourt Journals (1888-96; repr. in Pages from the Goncourt Journal, ed. by Robert Baldick, 1962), entry for 15 Nov. 1859.

2007-03-22T16:58:00.000+03:00

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman"

Anais Nin

2007-02-28T16:45:00.000+03:00

I think

i am leaving

It feels bad

because

he didn't

make me stay

حالة حب عابرة؟؟

2007-02-26T13:48:00.000+03:00

لكم كنت أتمنى أن أرقص معك على أنغام

غني للناس للحب غني لي غني

غني لدقة قلب غني لي غني

غني ل رفيق الدرب غني لي غني

غني لي غني غني غني

غني لقلب مشتاق ناطر ع نار

غني لحلم ع وراق بعدو ما صار

غني لأيلول وفراق ياخذ قرار

غني لي غني غني غني

غني لبال مشغول منو ع بال

غني لعيون باتقول حكي ما انقال

غني لجواب عطول باقي سؤال

غني لي غني غني لي

عم تخلص الكلمات ... والقلب موجوع

عم تغرق البسمات ... ببحر لدموع

غني لقلب مشتاق ناطر ع نار
غني لحلم ع اوراق بعدو ما صار
غني لأيلول وفراق ياخذ قرار
غني لي غني غني غني

ولكم كنت اتمنى ان ارقص لك على انغام

احبك جدا" جدا" جدا

وأعرف أني تورطت جدا

وأحرقت خلفي جميع المراكب

وأعرف أني سأهزم جدا

برغم الدموع ورغم الجراح ورغم التجارب

وأعرف أني في غابات حبك وحدي أحارب

وأني ككل المجانين حاولت صيد الكواكب

وأبقى أحبك رغم يقيني بأن الوصول إليك محال

محال محال محال

يا من دفعت بحبك نصف حياتي

ويا من أشيلك كالطفل في أغنياتي

أنا لا أحبك من اجل شال حرير.. وعطر مثير

ولكن أحبك حتى اؤكد ذاتي

أحبك... وأحبك

وأعرف أن هواك إنتحار

وأني حين سأكمل دوري سيرخى على الستار

وأن صمودي أمام هواك إنتصار

Ultimate Happiness

2007-02-01T10:55:00.000+03:00

He taught me today not to say "STOP" at the point of my ultimate happiness.

To enjoy the Pleasure and take the moment to the last.

"Laugh for a minute and take the world in a second" he says...

وداعا" صديقتي ....

2007-01-13T10:51:00.000+03:00

وكأن قدري أن أودع أحبائي الواحد تلو الآخر

ما يجعلني أتحمل كل هذا الوداع هو أملي بأنهم يسافرون بحثا" عن مستقبل مشرق أكثر، عن استقرار ربما، أو عن فائدة مادية اكبر

بالأمس القريب ودعت جميع أصدقائي عندما حان موعد دخولي الى الجامعة

لاحقا" بدأت أودع أصدقائي الجدد الواحد تلو الآخر، مسافرين باحثين عن أوضاع أفضل وعمل أفضل

منذ عدة أيام ودعت أخوتي المسافرين طلبا" للعلم

وبالأمس ودعت صديقتي وزوجها

أما اليوم فأودع صديقتي الغالية لا بل توأم روحي

هي انسانة صغيرة في السن ولكن كبيرة بعطائها ومشاعرها، عظيمة بحبها للجميع

لك انت صديقتي

لكم أحسست انك انت اختي الكبرى الصغرى التي لم احصل عليها يوما

لكم أحسست انك انت التي تعطيني الأمل بأن الحياة جميلة وبأن الضحكة هي أغلى شيء في الوجود

لكم أحسست بان الدنيا ما زالت بخير لمجرد وجودك انت فيها

أنت البريئة، الجميلة، الصغيرة، المتفهمة، المتفائلة

لكم كان وجودك في حياتي يعطيني احساس بالدفء والسعادة

لكم أندم على الوقت الذي اضعته ولم نقضيه سويا

لكم احزن لأننا لم نتشارك المزيد من الأوقات الطويلة التي كنا فيها نحن الاثنين "ما النا خلق نعمل شي

لكم اكره لحظة الفراق

لكم اكره لحظة الوداع

أعلم بأنني اودعك مكرهه وحزينة ولكن أملي من الله كبير بان ينير طريقك ويهديك لما هو خير لك دائما" وأبدا

ما أرجوه منك هو أن لا تتغيري أبدا مهما قست الدنيا ومهما تغير البشر من حولك

ابقي كما انت، عظيمة بعطائك، بريئة ومتفائلة ومتسامحه وابتسامتك تملأ المكان دفئا" وطمأنينة

لا تتغيري ، فمثلك قليل في هذه الدنيا

وجودك يعطي البهجة والفرح والاحساس بان هناك بشر ما زالوا يحبون الخير للجميع ويفرحون لفرح الاخرين ويحزنزن لحزنهم. بان هناك تسامح وصدق في هذا الكون الغريب وهذه الحياة القاسية

أعرف انه بسفرك سأخسر كثيرا

قلبي يبكي وينكسر ولكن دمعتي تأبى النزول

اختي وحبيبتي انت

اسفه اذا كنت مررت لحظة وكنت بحاجة لي ولم اكن بجانبك. تقصيري كان كبير جدا ولكن من دون قصد، فسامحيني أرجوك

أشكرك على كل لحظة كنت فيها بجانبي تستمعين الى صمتي وتمسحين فيها دمعتي. وعلى كل لحظة سعادة بها فرحتي لفرحي

أشكرك على عطائك وقلبك الكبير

أشكرك على الدفء الذي احطيني فيه دائما

أشكرك على صدق مشاعرك وبرائة تعبيرك

اشكرك لانك انت كما انت، عظيمة

في الختام، أتمنى لك دوام التوفيق والنجاح. أتمنى لك الثبات والصبر في الحياة. وأتمنى لك الحكمة والنضوج في قراراتك كما كنت دوما

الله معك...

2006-12-05T23:35:00.000+03:00

UPDATE ....

AT 14- SHE fell in love with someone who was in love with a close relative of HER's.

He called her a few times.
SHE did not give him a chance to talk.

SHE only wanted to understand what he wanted from HER.

SHE wanted to know why he suddenly remembered her and insisted on seeing her after 12 years.

12 YEARS.... Yes, it was a long time, SHE was not the same person he had some attraction for and definately he was not the same person SHE fell in love with.

HER curiousity grew and SHE accepted his invitation for "a cup of coffee and some talk".
SHE saw him today and ....
Here they were again.
Facing each other.

He blamed her for not holding strong to him when he was ending his relationsip with her relative. SHE told him SHE would never hold strong to anyone, that he had to decide whom he wanted to be with.

But with them it was different, he was in love with HER relative and that SHE would never accept to be with him, ever.

But he was there infront of HER again, with his seducing and catching eyes. With his sweet smile.
He was interested in knowing all that SHE had been through.

The shock was that he still remembered HER favourit song.
He remembered what SHE liked and disliked.
He said he missed HER smile.

SHE had to talk and SHE confronted him and said that SHE was not interested in any new friendship as SHE had enough freinds SHE was happy with and did not want more.
SHE was not interested in getting into a love realtionship that was sentenced to death since the first moment.
SHE argued and was very aggressive with him.

He returned to HER after he got married and has a twin at the age of 5.
SHE knew SHE should not have met him in the first place, not even answered his phone calls.
SHE should have said no and sticked to her 'no'.
However, HER curiousity led her to meet with him.

Now, and after 4 hours of the meeting, SHE feels guilty having been so aggressive with him.
SHE feels bad at the way she treated him and silenced him.
As if she was taking revenge from the way he betrayed her when she was 14.

He did not say that he was in love with HER.
He did not say that he would leave his wife for HER sake.
He said that he wanted to speak to HER and to know HER more, and no one knows what could happen in the future.
He said he could not hurt even one 'hair' of her.

SHE knew that all what SHE had said was correct and that it was the only true thing that SHE should have said, nothing more, but SHE still felt guilty.

He felt the saddness SHE carried in her heart, behind the mask SHE wore on HER eyes.
He had changed, unfortunately.......... to the better.
He became more handsome and more seducing.
He became more calm and more like a man of her dreams.

SHE does not know what the next step will be.
SHE knows that SHE should not want to fall in love with him, and that SHE definately would if she continues to meet him and to answer his phone calls.

Deep inside HER, SHE really wishes that he would call again.
SHE does not know what HER next step would be but SHE wants to make correct what SHE made wrong today.

Would he call again?
Should SHE meet him again?
SHE is in so much doubt and confusion.
Maybe when SHE wakes up the next day SHE would be faced by the answers and the will for all tomorrow's challenges.

MARRIED MEN

2006-11-30T01:23:00.000+03:00

What is it with married men these days?

As if every married man SHE knew had woke up suddenly to realise that SHE had existed one day in his life, and that SHE still exists.

Many of HER friends since childhood were males.

Many of the male friends SHE had known since HER teenage years are now married.

Some of these many-married-male-friends have always treated HER like a friend and always denied the fact that they have 'extra' feelings towards HER, even when their eyes showed it.

None of these 'some-many friends' expressed any feelings, so SHE always assumed they were friends only.

However, and SHE does not know why, all of these 'some-many-friends' have started calling and started trying to become closer to HER. What is shocking to HER, is their shock as to why SHE is not moving a step further than HER previous steps when they (him and him and him ) were not married.

For God's sake, you guys were HER friends and u never showed 'further feelings' when u were single. Why on earth u think that (and imagine.... after you got married) u expect HER to accept to take a step further than being a friend. You guys are married, and if u only wanted HER friendship when u were single why are u asking HER for more now that u are married and have children?

WE are talking here about different kinds of men, different moods, different backgrounds, different looks and different everything. These men have nothing in common except that they all have passed into HER life one day.

Trying to be comprehensive, but SHE does not know if it makes sense enough. All SHE knows is that for the past few weeks SHE had been replying to phone calls from 'some-many-married-male-friends' SHE hasn't seen for a while and from 'friends' SHE has not expected to ever hear about again, let alone answer their phone calls.

SHE had been wondering for sometime now and still is.

What could have suddenly happened to all these 'friends'?

Is it possible that a certian virus was generated and they got infected by 'the need to talk to HER'?

Could it be that SHE suddenly became more attractive to them? ;)

Is it possible that they all feel like having some fun and SHE was number one on their 'trial list'?

SHE really does not know what is going on, but SHE will be wondering about the true reason and cause untill SHE gets certain answers.

AND...

For all of you 'some-many-married-male-friends', may you all be given the gift of knowing what u want in life and to learn to be satisfied with what u have and what u once have chosen.

Interesting Artist

2006-11-12T21:03:00.000+03:00

Julia Botros from Lebanon

http://mmeero.blogspot.com/2006/11/julia-botros.html

To Her Best Interest

2006-11-08T16:13:00.001+03:00

SHE always believed that whatever comes through her way, and whatever happens to her in life is always to her best benefit.

SHE never discussed it with anyone even with herself because she was certain of her belief. As if she trusted destiny so blindly. SHE raised no question whatsoever about any issue that slipped into her life.

SHE believed that destiny would only bring to her what would be best to carry on successfuly with her life.

However;

- Being not yet married at the age of 34 is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Having not fulfilled even her smallest dream is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being single with no special man in her life is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Leading her life alone without a specific solid target is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being locked next to her single family member is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being unable to lose the extra weight she gained over the years is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Meeting the wrong men all the time, and the correct men at the wrong time is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Losing her best friends one by one as each gets married and moves away is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Being locked up in a job she does not enjoy and does not have the courage to move out is to her BEST INTEREST?!

- Comforting and clearing the tears of those who are dear to her while no one understood her moods quick enough and she accepting all that with a smile is to her BEST INTEREST?

Although all that may seem very gloomy and sad, but she still believed that all that encountered her in life was definitely to her BEST INTEREST!!!

HER Beloved Friend...

2006-11-02T22:42:00.000+03:00

He was HER friend. HER closest best friend.

He best suited HER personality. They were one mind, one soul in two bodies.

They complimented each other.

And they loved each other dearly.... as friends.

He never felt SHE could be more than a friend. SHE was a dear sister. NO more.

BUT...

He cannot live without HER . Cannot survive without HER presence in his life. HER advices. HER sweet way of sharing his discussions and agreeing with him, and him with HER .

He never liked it when SHE went on vacation, not even for a couple of weeks.

All HER friends thought that SHE was stupid 'cause SHE was unable to 'catch' him and make him HER's.

All their friends wanted them together because they best fit together.

None wanted HER out of the group, and none thought anyone would deserve him more than HER.

His family loved HER dearly and thought that their son is so valuable and deserves a lot and thus SHE would be the best choice. They waited and prayed he would surprise them one day.

SHE felt so close to him. SHE shared everything with him.

SHE understood him. SHE thought he might be HER perfect match, only if he saw that SHE can be more than a friend. HER family loved him dearly. They accepted him as part of the family.

They trusted each other so much. He trusted HER advices, and SHE trusted his decisions and thus SHE accepted it when he presented his girlfriend to HER. At first, SHE didnt like the way she looked and the way she was moody. But SHE trusted his decision. His family didnt accept her at all, but SHE still trusted his decision. The friends told HER SHE wasn't clever enough to keep him for HERSELF, but SHE still trusted his decision. His family moved closer to HER trying to make their son see HER differently, but SHE still trusted his decision.

He got engaged and SHE became closer to his fiance'. SHE tried to understand what had attracted him to her. SHE never understood why, but SHE still trusted his decision.

He got married and he was happy, and SHE was happy for him.

SHE helped in all the wedding details.

SHE visited them in their 'golden cage'.

BUT...

Something in his eyes changed.

The way he looked at HER was different. SHE didn't know what, but certainly something was different.

SHE didn't understand what was the cause of this change, or what this change was, but....

SHE STILL TRUSTS HIS DECISIONS.

What is there in Life that still awaits HER?!

2006-10-16T00:26:00.000+03:00

AT 14
- SHE fell in love with someone who was in love with a close relative of HER's.
- HER brother and soulmate passed away, he was 16.

At 17
-SHE had to move from her birth country, and to leave all her childhood memories and friends and go to HER country of nationality. SHE had to start a new life, start from scratch. New friends, new places and new routine. It was very tough to adapt and to make new friends in HER own country. It took HER more than a year to start feeling 'normal' living in her country.

At 18
- SHE fell in a 'wall crashing' love that lasted almost three years. They were great happy years until....

At 21
HE got engaged.
SHE went into depression and cried for 8 months until SHE decided that SHE wanted him out of HER system, and SHE succeeded.

SHE had to attend his wedding. YES!!! SHE was invited, and YES SHE went, and yes SHE was very ok!
REMARK: YES! He proposed to the wife while he was still in 'love' with HER ! AND his reply to all those who accused him of hugging HER & stabbing HER back was "leee sho feee?" (Why? What's wrong?)

At 24
-HER family had to move away from HER country of nationality. SHE couldn't go with them. HER family was split although HER parents were not divorced and none of HER brothers or SHE were married.
SHE thought SHE would die away from HER family but as soon as SHE started to adapt and to look at the bright side of the picture...

At 25
Lebanon was attacked.
SHE had to live the war for 33 days with all the attacks and the cruelty of killing and the deaths of innocent people. SHE cried nonstop and thought HER heart would stop beating at any moment due to sadness and agony SHE felt inside. SHE felt helpless, there was nothing one could do to the people who died or got severely injured.
However, and since today SHE feels 'ok' and that the 'moment' of the war was over, although it is even more difficult to get the normal life back as before the war, SHE still survived and SHE wonders...

WHAT STILL AWAITS HER????

Freedom?!!

2006-10-14T20:54:00.000+03:00

" While i was fighting, i heared other people speaking in the name of freedom, and the more they defended their unique right, the more enslaved they seemed to be to their parents' wishes, to a marriage in which they had promised to stay with the other person 'for the rest of their lives,' to the bathroom scales,to their diet, to half finished projects, to lovers to whom they were incapable of saying 'No' or 'it's over,' to weekends when they were obliged to have lunch with people they didnt even like. Slaves to Luxury, to the appearance of the appearnace of luxury. Slaves to a life they have not chosen, but which they had decided to live because someone had managed to convince them that it was all for the best. And so their identical days and nights passed, days and nights in which adventure was just a word in a book or an image on the television that was always on, and whenever a door opened, they would say:
"I'm not interested, I'm not in the mood"
How could they possibly know if they were in the mood or not if they had never tried? But there was no point in asking; the truth was they were afraid of any change that would upset the world they had grown used to."

Those fabulous words are from a book "the Zahir" by the great writer "Paulo Coelho".

Since i totally agree with Paulo Coelho, and since his words have inspired me and convinced me that the time to change is now, and since i have started to change many things in my life, i thought i would start my blog with his words, they might as well influence other people.